Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy was developed by Richard Schwartz in the 1980's, but the model continues to evolve and benefit from an ever growing network of clinicians who contribute to the nuances and inclusivity of the model. IFS therapy is based on the idea that we all have lots of different parts and that they interact with each other and the world. We often causally talk in an IFS kind of way when we say things like: "part of me really wants to go out and be social, and another parts of me knows how draining it will be and wants to stay home." IFS therapy reframes this internal conflict as a polarization between two parts that want different things. By talking to them and learning more about them, including their hopes and fears, we can not only gain more understanding about a complex situation, we also tend to feel heard and seen on a much deeper level and this in itself is profoundly healing for the nervous system.

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How Does IFS Actually Heal Stuff?

It all comes down to compassion. IFS is a compassion based model and compassion is what heals. How does that actually work? As mentioned above, developing compassion for each of our parts is profoundly settling and healing for the nervous system. Trauma, stress, social dynamics, and life events have a way of making it hard to feel that we can simply be as ourselves. IFS provides a framework for organizing a chaotic ball of different feelings and experiences so that we can be present with each of them. As we practice being present with our parts and understand their fears and concerns, they tend to settle and give us more space so that we can meet deeper parts that have been tucked away over the years because it feels too vulnerable or overwhelming for them to be out in the open. By being present and compassionate with these deepest parts, overwhelming feelings and experiences become manageable. This process involves a transformation that in IFS is called unburdening parts (often an exile). As parts become unburdened, significant shifts happen in our systems as our parts become released from old beliefs, emotional, states, and physical sensations as they take on new qualities that were previously depleted.

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Does Healing My Parts Mean Getting Rid of Them?

No, it absolutely does not. In fact, IFS theory believes that we are born with our parts and they remain with us through life. The problem is not the parts themselves, but the jobs that they take on as a result of trauma, stress, or other challenging life events. As we heal our parts, they may shift in dramatic ways - for example a part that tells us we're not good enough might eventually shed this role and take on a new role of reminding us to ask for help when we feel stressed.

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What about things like self harm or OCD? Can IFS help with that?

Definitely. One of the great things about IFS is that it can really be applied to anything and it does so in a non-pathologizing way. If someone experiences self harm, we might look at a whole family of parts related to the self harm. Perhaps there is at least one part that does the self harm, while others that have strong and polarizing thoughts and opinions about it. The same may be true for OCD. By understanding the parts, learning their fears and why they show up in the way they do, we can be present with deep experiences that otherwise feel overwhelming. This is where big shifts can happen even with things that have felt stuck for ages.

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What if I'm sensitive or have a lot of trauma?

IFS is a trauma informed modality that tends to work very well for people who are highly sensitive, have "a lot of trauma," are neurodivergent, and/or feel frequently overwhelmed. Because we only move as fast as our parts want us to, and we work with what shows up as we go along, IFS has a built in mechanism that helps us modulate intensity and watch out for flooding/overwhelm. If parts show up that feel flooded or overwhelmed, we simply work with those parts.

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What Does a Typical IFS Therapy Session Look Like?

​You might have a specific part that you'd like to work with, or you may have a general topic in mind, or no idea where to start. Wherever things are, we can begin with what shows up in the present moment. I often begin IFS sessions with a bit of grounding and breathing to help people feel more connected to themselves, and then we might begin mapping out parts, or exploring one part in particular. As we go, it's very common (almost inevitable) that other parts will show up along the way. When this happens, sometimes it's possible for these newer parts to step back a bit to give us more space to get to know the original part, and sometimes that's not possible. Both are absolutely ok because in IFS we work with what is there. If a part does not want to step back, we might decide to spend some time getting to know that part. As we explore in this way, we get to know parts deeply. Sometimes we will encounter young vulnerable parts that carry deep wounds and, in time, we may help them release some of the pain that they carry. As we move through a session, we may pause and focus on nervous system regulation and grounding as needed. An IFS session typically closes with an invitation to share gratitude with your parts for letting you get to know them, as well as some assistance in shifting your attention back into the external world and a few minutes to discuss how the session went. 

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IFS Therapy Can Help

Whether you're struggling with complex trauma, long term anxiety, body image stuff, shyness, perfectionism, etc. IFS can be a great way to heal by compassionately being with difficult emotions and memories. Please reach out if you have any questions about IFS therapy or if you'd like to talk about you specific situation and see how this work might be able to support you.